I thought I was Coping.

Its been a few months since my last post and things have changed so much. The first big change is my new Job. I have been there since September now and I am now settling in after a bit of a bumpy start getting used to a different group of people. I am happy to say I am now fitting in and love the team of people I work with.

I wish I could say it all hunky dory and life is amazing but right now I can’t say that, I am ashamed to say even though I tell other people to talk about how they feel and the importance of talking to their family, but the first think my wife will know how I feel is when she reads this blog today. I need to learn to practise what I preach.

The strange thing is its not the new pregnancy I am struggling with. So far I am very laid back about having this new baby. Pram is bought, Moses basket is ready and we have even done up our own crib. We have a few things to buy, but we are getting there.

There has been a few bumps along the pregnancy Mel found out she has Gestational diabetes and has to go hospital every few weeks for checks and take her blood sugars 4 times a day. But I have seen the positives in this and even tried to show them to Mel when she has been worried. For starters we now know when Mel will be induced so we have a date to aim at being ready for. All the extra scans and checks means more chances for her to see baby or hear heartbeat. The number one positive has been the fact that Mel has been determined not to need medication and a big part of not needing medication is making sure you eat right keep sugars under control and make sure you eat right. This has actually been good for me as she wants to lose weight anyway. Eating well has meant that she has controlled her sugars and despite baby growing she has lost weight.

So I have an amazing new Job and I looking forward to being a dad again I should be over the moon so what’s wrong?

My son Andrew that’s what’s wrong right now he’s a monster, he’s naughty all the time, he never want to be around me and to top it all off he’s gone from sleeping well to refusing to go to bed, banging on my doors at 2am and drawing all over my walls. To put it bluntly he’s a little S**t.

I feel like my depression is coming back again. I thought I had this I gained a bond with Elizabeth and now we are the best of friends we do loads together she even comes wall climbing with me and loves it. She’s a mini me, my best mate.

Andrew on the other hand is a royal pain in the arse right now. He is clingy to mum all the time. I try and spend time alone with him and all I get is mummy, Mummy, Mummy scream after scream. He is as naughty as everything he just destroys my house he draws on my walls and in the space of 5 mins he makes my living room look like an elephant has trampled through it. He has gone from a good eater to screaming in his high chair throwing his food. And his new Favourite word is NO. you ask him to tidy you get NO, you ask him to put shoes on you Get NO. everything you ask him is NO.

But for me that’s not the hardest thing right now its the refusing to go to bed. For the past year he has gone up to bed and been asleep in 10 minuets its been brilliant but for the past 2 weeks its been hell. You put him to bed and he runs after you and BANGS the door until you answer. We try and ignore and after 20 minutes he still going he just wont settle so we end up letting him lie with us until he goes to sleep and then trying to get him in his bed sometimes it works and he’s fast asleep and then sometimes he wake up we start again. Me and Mel are eating late and we are struggling to get time together. Its getting to us both.

Last Saturday when Mel went out I got Elizabeth to bed and then went about settling Andrew I thought great Andrew is settled on me I will put him to bed, low and behold he woke up screaming 5 mins latter and so we started again. back and forward we went. settling him putting him to bed again and again. I never ate until 9pm, I ended up shouting at Andrew and just wanted to scream, I was resenting Mel going out and when she got home I just passed her Andrew and walked off, we ended up having a row and getting cross with each other. We made up later on but it left me resenting Andrew.

He is just making us so exhausted, were snapping all the time and getting at each other its like Andrews behaviour is bringing the whole family down every day is a battle with him. I look at him and just see a monster. I don’t feel like of love like I did with Elizabeth, but I am finding it hard to enjoy time with him and right now I don’t want to be around him.

I know he is Two so is going through that stage and a lot of parents have been there and will say its normal and I just need to step up and plod along through it but I found the twos easy with Elizabeth where as they are hell with Andrew and I am really struggling to cope with it. Right now I don’t want to be around him and am not enjoying time with him. Everyone sees him and thinks awww he’s cute and amazing when all I see is a screaming naughty monster. Right now I am struggling to see the end of this naughty time in his life and our stress and I am getting even more anxious about new baby in less than a months time. What if When we have this baby he is still like this will I cope with a naughty two year old and a new baby. Right now I just don’t see the light. I am sure I will be ok and its just a Phase but its getting me down.

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